The Mother’s Day holiday is one of the the hardest holidays to process for a woman going through infertility. The woman going through infertility cringes when hearing those words, and winces looking at the calendar knowing the Mother’s Day holiday is coming. It’s the vacancy Mother’s day represents, that’s the hardest part. She doesn’t want anyone to know it’s the vacancy that is the most deafening. It’s the vacancy she doesn’t want to feel desperate about, or cling too. The vacancy she is unsure will never be filled. This vacancy is deep, in her heart and soul. It’s a vacancy that only a child of her own can fill.
Those of us going through infertility, have been on this journey for so, very, long. We know exactly how much time we’ve spent trying. Exactly how many treatments we’ve been through. And exactly how many losses we have experienced along the way. Exactly.
We’ve planned everything in our lives. We are succinct. We are purposeful. We are determined. But this… this alludes us… it alludes us into our depths. It’s confusing, confounding and heart breaking. We started out so hope–filled. So hopeful. And the procedures, loss of connection to our bodies, the miscarriages, and loss of time have all but sucked every last bit of hope out of us.
It feels like we’ve forgotten how to bring joy back into our lives some days.
Our hearts are empty on Mother’s day. It feels like our spirit has deserted us. Our bodies feel broken. It’s not that we don’t want to celebrate the Mother’s in our lives today. It’s that we don’t really know how. We are overwhelmed. Grief consumes us. This day represents the vacancy we can not for the life of us figure out how to fill. This day represents our loss. This day represents everything in us that’s broken.
So please, hold her hand today. Hug her extra long. Place both hands on the back of her heart, and hold them there for a while. Maybe you can hold her heart for her for a while, because she doesn’t know if she can bear to. Please don’t tell her it will be alright. Or that it will happen. Or to adopt. Or even to relax. Let her grieve today. Without judgment. Without fixing. And tell her that you love her. Accept her exactly where she is at.
Her emotions may not make sense to you today, they may not make sense to her. It’s just that she needs to heal the holes in her heart and soul today. Your compassion helps her heal. She’s not sure if she can talk about it today. She might be hanging by a thread. But knowing you’re there and can hold the space for her grief. This is beyond measure. Your love and acceptance, are everything today.
To all the beautiful Women in waiting on Mother’s Day. You know who you are.
I am holding your hearts today. I am holding the space for your grief.
I walked your same path. Your feelings are valid, and important.
I’m sending you my love,